As a parent of three grown children (2 daughters and 1 son), if I had read the title above when my children were infants and toddlers, I would have questioned the veracity of the title or dismissed it. At the time my children were born, I was working on my Master’s Degree in Social Work (child welfare track), working full-time at a foster care/ adoption agency and was more interested in working with birth mothers interested in placing their infants with adoptive parents than anything to do with child sexual development, child sexual behaviors or child sexual behavior problems. That all changed when I began doing casework with foster children and learned many of them had been sexually abused. Some were acting out sexually at young ages. Near the end of my MSW program, I became fascinated with the area of child sexual abuse assessment and treatment, attended a conference in Madison, WI on CSA, read everything I could on the subject, and did a research paper on Juvenile Sex Offenders (outdated term). I took as many courses at U of I in the clinical program as I could. With a lot of support from my husband, family, and colleagues, I decided to apply for a State of Illinois Child Welfare Agency License and opened a non-profit agency, ABC Counseling & Family Services, in November of 1992, to provide adoption services and child sexual abuse assessment and treatment. No other non-profit agency in central Illinois existed that provided these two specialized areas of child welfare. Since 1992, ABC Counseling & Family Services has provided infant adoption services and child sexual abuse assessments and treatment.
This article will be the first of a three-part series on children’s sexual development, normal and abnormal sexual behaviors in children from pre-school age to adolescence, frequently asked questions by parents of children affected by child sexual abuse, and the importance of talking to children at an early age about their bodies. I look forward to sharing my knowledge and experience of working with families and children for more than 40 years.
It is easy to think of children as non-sexual beings until adulthood. The reality, however, is that even infants get pleasure from reaching into their diaper and touching their private parts out of curiosity or because it feels good. Toddlers touch other toddlers’ private parts because they are curious about others’ body parts. Helping young children identify their body parts gives them language to communicate about it and strengthens the mind-body connection. Using correct anatomical terms, like penis, vulva, vagina and anus gives children a positive body image and allows for a more honest and open dialog when they have questions throughout childhood. The important thing for parents to remember is that sex may be a taboo subject for many, but if they don’t deal with the subject in a natural and age appropriate way when their children are young, their children are going to think sex is a bad thing, a forbidden subject, and they won’t approach parents with their questions. They will try to figure it out on their own.
In Part II of Children Are Sexual Beings Too, we will address children’s sexual behaviors from ages 0-5 (Infants, Preschoolers) and how to identify the behavior as normal or problematic. Part III will address the school-age child and their sexual behaviors (ages 6-12), and finally, Part IV will focus on adolescents, their sexual behaviors, and how to talk to them about sexuality.
Submitted by Lynn Willard LCSW, LSOE